My Best Mistake: Quitting My Dream Job!

Found this article and thought of a few people I have met during my time working in this business!

Everyone thought it was a huge mistake when I quit my first post-college job after only two weeks.

The reason was that from high school forward, I’d had a single career goal: I wanted to be a psychologist who worked with children. My family didn’t have a lot of money, which meant that I had to work my way through school and take on a lot of debt. So it was a big deal when I graduated and was lucky enough to find a job in that field. I could slowly pay off my loans, while doing what I’d always wanted.

But it was also 1995, and suddenly there was this new thing called the Internet. I had seen it and fallen completely in love with it. The technology was so exciting that I knew I had to try working in the field.

This kind of thing happens to a lot of people. Your life gets momentum in one direction, and everyone starts thinking of you as someone who does X. Your dad sold cars; so you’re going to sell cars. You got an MFA in creative writing, so you have to be a poet. You got a law degree, so you have to join a law firm. It can be extremely difficult to step out of that path and do something different.

But sometimes you have to take that risk and endure the criticism you’re going to hear—especially if you’re young and something really grabs your attention. I’d wanted to be a psychologist like some kids want to be firemen or baseball players. So it shocked everyone when I suddenly decided to shift gears and work in technology. I still remember my boss telling me it was the biggest mistake I’d ever make.

As it happens, I did ok with the new direction. I quickly got a job in the field and founded my first company not long after.

One last point. Just because you take up a new dream doesn’t mean you have to shelve the other completely. In fact, if you really love something, it may come back to you. Recently, I was in a room with an official from the Special Olympics, and I told him this story. He invited me to volunteer with the organization, and I jumped at the chance.

So perhaps the most important thing to remember about giving up your big dream is that you may not be giving it up at all.

Financial Planning Tips

Hey Everyone! I found some great financial planning tips that I wanted to share with you all. Starting you career can be a challenge financially so I hope this can give you an advantage!

Learn Self Control
If you're lucky, your parents taught you this skill when you were a kid. If not, keep in mind that the sooner you learn the fine art of delaying gratification, the sooner you'll find it easy to keep your finances in order. Although you can effortlessly purchase an item on credit the minute you want it, it's better to wait until you've actually saved up the money. Do you really want to pay interest on a pair of jeans or a box of cereal? 
If you make a habit of putting all your purchases on credit cards, regardless of whether you can pay your bill in full at the end of the month, you might still be paying for those items in 10 years. If you want to keep your credit cards for the convenience factor or the rewards they offer, make sure to always pay your balance in full when the bill arrives, and don't carry more cards than you can keep track of.

Take Control of Your Own Financial Future 
If you don't learn to manage your own money, other people will find ways to (mis)manage it for you. Some of these people may be ill-intentioned, like unscrupulous commission-based financial planners. Others may be well-meaning, but may not know what they're doing, like Grandma Betty who really wants you to buy a house even though you can only afford a treacherous adjustable-rate mortgage.

Instead of relying on others for advice, take charge and read a few basic books on personal finance. Once you're armed with personal finance knowledge, don't let anyone catch you off guard - whether it's a significant other that slowly siphons your bank account or friends who want you to go out and blow tons of money with them every weekend. Understanding how money works is the first step toward making your money work for you.

Know Where Your Money Goes 
Once you've gone through a few personal finance books, you'll realize how important it is to make sure your expenses aren't exceeding your income. The best way to do this is by budgeting. Once you see how your morning java adds up over the course of a month, you'll realize that making small, manageable changes in your everyday expenses can have just as big of an impact on your financial situation as getting a raise. In addition, keeping your recurring monthly expenses as low as possible will also save you big bucks over time. If you don't waste your money on a posh apartment now, you might be able to afford a nice condo or a house before you know it.

Know what healthy spending looks like
Most of us were never taught what healthy spending looks like. My favorite rule of thumb comes from (Sen.) Elizabeth Warren's book written with her daughter, Amelia Warren Tyagi, called "All Your Worth: The Ultimate Lifetime Money Plan." The rule of thumb: 50/30/20. The idea is 50% of your take-home pay goes to needs, 30% to wants, 20% to savings. Keep that rule of thumb in mind and a young person can avoid so many classic financial mistakes.

Secrets to Habit Change

The Willpower Books of 2012

Weak willpower muscles? These books will pump you up!

by Meg Selig in Changepower

While 2012 is still visible in the rear-view mirror, let’s take a look at a trio of books about will power published, and/or publicized, in 2012. If you feel poor in willpower, you will get rich quick from perusing these three engaging and helpful books. Bulleted tips will help you decide which one(s) might be useful for your personal willpower challenge.

The phrase “willpower challenge” is from Dr. Kelly McGonigal. McGonigal, a fellow PT blogger, has written The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do to Get More of It.  McGonigal teaches a 10-week course, “The Science of Willpower,” at Stanford University; her 10-chapter book mirrors that course, complete with willpower experiments and chapter summaries. McGonigal combines a deep grounding in the willpower research with a compassionate and light-hearted take on our struggles with ourselves as we strive to reach goals that matter. The three skills that, in her view, serve as the foundation of willpower are: (1) self-awareness; (2) self-care; and (3) remembering the goals or values that matter most to you.

Takeaway tips from The Willpower Instinct:

• The “willpower instinct,” aka, “self-control,” evolved so that we could all cooperate, control our baser impulses, and refrain from shouting, “I hate you,” at an annoying colleague. So you DO have willpower!
• It takes self-awareness to change a habit. Alcohol, sleep-deprivation, distraction, and stress are enemies of willpower because they make us less self-aware and more prone to impulsiveness.
• To train the part of your brain that’s in charge of willpower, take care of yourself in healthy ways, such as exercising, taking brain breaks, talking to supportive people, eating better, and practicing mindfulness.  
• Remind yourself that you are using your willpower to get something you want.
• When you slip up, self-compassion will help more than self-criticism, shame, and guilt.

If you wish you could take a fun and helpful class about willpower, read this book. Wish granted!

Super-researcher Roy Baumeister, with science writer John Tierney, has co-authored Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength.  Baumeister’s research is the source of the much-discussed idea that willpower is a limited resource.  According to this theory, willpower is like a muscle which tires with over-use. Willpower, decision-making, and being nice when you don’t want to all drain the same cognitive pool in the short run.  But in the long run, practicing willpower, like exercising your muscles regularly, will strengthen it.

One practical benefit of this view of willpower is that it helps you set priorities. If you only have so much willpower energy on a given day, how do you want to spend that energy? Once you decide, you can budget your willpower and spend it where you need it the most.

Takeaway tips from Willpower:

• Willpower and IQ are the two best predictors of success in life.  Since you can’t do much about IQ, strengthen your willpower.
• Willpower is like a muscle.  Exercise it, and it will get stronger.  But be aware that, like a muscle, it will get fatigued if over-used.
• Using willpower, making decisions, and dealing with difficult people all drain the same reservoir of self-control.  Avoid hard decisions when energy is low.
• Arrange your life to minimize the need for willpower. Remove temptations. Save willpower for challenging situations.
• The first step to self-control is to set a goal; the second step is to monitor your progress along the way. 
• The best use of self-control is to form habits that you can eventually do automatically—without willpower.

Baumeister and Tierney’s willpower insights are embedded in riveting stories of personal transformation.  Unputdownable!

The Power of Habit, by Charles Duhigg, is now a habitual resident on the New York Times best-seller list. Duhigg also stresses that the best way to strengthen willpower is to make it into a habit. To do this, know the habit loop—the cues that trigger your habit, your resulting habit routine, and the rewards you get from your habit.  Duhigg argues that you can change a habit successfully by keeping the cues and rewards the same, while changing the routine. This model seems too simple to me, in part because it ignores the "why" of a person's habit change, but Duhigg’s talent for story-telling makes his argument very persuasive. 

Takeaway tips from The Power of Habit:

• If you change one critical habit pattern—a “keystone habit”—you may be able to transform other related habits. Example: The decision to exercise regularly may trigger positive changes in eating routines, spending patterns, and productivity. 
• To save your willpower, create habits that allow your brain to work on automatic pilot. 
• Fight a bad habit by replacing an old routine with a new one.  
• Organizations and businesses can deliberately create routines that nourish good habits.  For example, Starbucks employees are trained to respond calmly to complaining customers, using a method dubbed, appropriately enough, the LATTE method: Listen to the customer; Acknowledge the complaint; Take action by solving the problem; Thank them; and Explain why the problem occurred.

I had never thought of recommending a job at Starbucks as an anger management technique, but after reading the success story of a young man in one of Duhigg’s anecdotes, I now will! 

I love books which are both worthwhile AND entertaining, and these three books all fit that bill admirably. I’ve bought them all for my “willpower collection," and I recommend them all to you.

Now, off to get--or give--a LATTE!

Charisma & Charismatic Leadership

What Is Charisma and Charismatic Leadership?

Is charisma born or made? What makes leaders charismatic?

Many of history’s most effective leaders are labeled charismatic. Yet, there is a great deal of controversy about whether charisma is made or born, and if charismatic leaders are actually effective. A while back, I was interviewed as part of a celebration of the life of Martin Luther King, Jr. Many of the most frequently asked questions about charismatic leadership were part of that interview.

Question: Martin Luther King Jr., Gandhi, and Winston Churchill were known as dynamic, charismatic and inspirational leaders. What particular traits or qualities did someone like MLK possess that allowed him to lead and inspire so many people?
Charismatic leaders are essentially very skilled communicators – individuals who are both verbally eloquent, but also able to communicate to followers on a deep, emotional level. They are able to articulate a compelling or captivating vision, and are able to arouse strong emotions in followers.

Question: Is charisma something that you are born with – you either have it or you don’t? Do you think most leaders, politicians and inspirational figures have charisma and is it that particular quality which makes them stand out?
Charisma is really a process – an interaction between the qualities of the charismatic leader, the followers and their needs and identification with the leader, and the situation that calls out for a charismatic leader, such as a need for change or a crisis. But when it comes to the charismatic qualities of leaders, the emphasis is on how they communicate to followers and whether they are able to gain followers’ trust, and influence and persuade them to follow.
Most politicians, particularly on the national scene, have developed their ability to communicate effectively – to make speeches, “work the room” with potential donors and supporters, etc. So many seasoned politicians have a lot of “personal charisma.”

Question: What are several important characteristics that you believe every leader should possess?
A model that I think represents the very best leaders, and research bears this out, is transformational leadership. You can think of transformational leadership as going beyond charisma, because two of the components of transformational leadership deal with charisma. They are:
Idealized Influence, the first component, is the leader’s ability to be a positive (and moral) role model for followers. The transformational leader also “walks the talk,” and is on the “front line” working with followers (think MLK Jr.), or leaders who sacrifice along with their followers. In business, the charismatic/transformational leader sometimes serves as the “face” of the company or the movement (think Steve Jobs).
Inspirational Motivation is the second quality of transformational leaders and it is what charismatic leaders are noted for: their ability to inspire and motivate followers to perform at high levels, and to be committed to the organization or the cause.
The other two elements of transformational leadership are: Intellectual Stimulation – challenging followers to be creative and think outside of the box – and Individualized Consideration – being responsive to the feelings and developmental needs of followers.
Transformational leaders are charismatic, but they are also noted for leading high performing groups and teams, and developing followers’ leadership capacity, as much as helping the group or organization to change and innovate.

Question: What are some behaviors or traits that might derail a leader/politician’s career or stand in their path to success?
The biggest thing that can derail a leader is arrogance, and a lack of concern or responsiveness to followers and constituents. We have seen how politicians’ and CEOs’ arrogance – thinking they are above the law, and committing ethical violations lead to their demise. Also, a leader needs to succeed more often than not, and learn from mistakes and setbacks.

Question: Are leaders born or made, in your opinion?
This isn’t something that requires my opinion, because this question has been well researched. Twin studies by Richard Arvey and his colleagues have estimated that leadership is about 2/3 “made” and 1/3 “born.” This makes sense, though, if we see much of leadership as a set of learned skills and competencies: ability to communicate, strategize, problem solve, etc. These take time to develop.
This question would have broad implications for leadership, for if it were all (or mostly) born, then our efforts should be directed toward identifying and selecting leaders, and we would be wasting our time on leader development programs. But, the research suggests that putting resources into leader development makes sense, and recent meta-analyses of these programs suggest that, in general, they work and lead to positive gains

by Ronald E. Riggio, Ph.D. in Cutting-Edge Leadership

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How To Create A Powerful Vision For Your Success

Hey Everyone! I found this article about creating a powerful vision for success and thought it would be a great topic to discuss here!

How To Create A Powerful Vision For Your Success

Envision something you have always wanted to do. Go on, take your time. Let yourself go. Is it Snowboarding in the Swiss Alps? Finishing your education? Making a million dollars? Starting your own business? Whatever it is, you can accomplish it, and this can be achieved by first envisioning your dream to be real.  

By creating a vision, you can reach far beyond your material existence, get out of your comfort zone, and imaginatively extend yourself beyond what previously seemed impossible. By going deeper, and understanding yourself better, you create a better balance. The heart and soul are enhanced and you then become more focused on the positive. Most people are focused on what they believe they “can’t” do, and not on what they “can” do. Fear is the paralysis and usually the culprit, and creating a vision can help you overcome this.

Great visionaries like Walt Disney emphasized “If you can dream it, you can do it.” Goethe stated, “whatever you are able to do or dream you can initiate it. Boldness has magic, genius, and strength. Start now!” Michelangelo said, “The biggest threat for many of us is not that our goals are too high and we might miss them, but they are too low and we may reach them.” The list of words of wisdom can go on infinitely. There has been great minds throughout the centuries that have learned the secret of seeing the invisible and creating a vision. In fact, it would be impossible for them to achieve their dreams without envisioning them first.

What is a vision for success?

- A vision is something like a mirage in the mind. A state you want manifested into your outer world.

- The idea becomes a conviction after your “will” joins in to support the idea.

- Fine tuning and expounding the concept with the will and intentions to achieve the perceived idea are what creates the vision.

The vision is the expression of a much wished for future, that is better than what exists now or of what is projected to subsist in the future.

Why Develop a Vision?

- Every decision and choice we make has consequences. Without a clear vision, we fall short of having the quality of life we desire.

- Our visions must be strong and steady in order to manifest what we truly desire. Weak visions lead to an imbalanced life.

- Visions not based on our “inner self” are not satisfying and empowering.

- Clear vision leads to fulfillment, purpose, and brings meaning into our lives.

- An unclear vision leads to vulnerability to “whatever” happens, staying true to your vision will make things happen better than you ever thought possible.

Expanding Your Vision

The initial step of a vision becoming a reality is well, by envisioning. In other words, the focus of your vision has no apparent reality on the material plane. Some people call this faith. Not creating a vision is like walking around with your eyes closed, except in the invisible realm your “inner eye” is shut. You cannot go anywhere if you have no place to go to. You must see yourself going somewhere in order to get there! In effect, seeing something in the invisible as “real” manifests the energy in your outer world to eradicate the obstacles that would prevent you from realizing your vision. However, be forewarned. Negative visions can manifest negative results as well. People who are always “envisioning or saving for a rainy day,” eventually have one. “When it rains it pours” is usually the battle cry when misfortune manifests.

If you expand your vision and connect deeply within your inner needs, with the Soul, you will eventually discover an ability to fuse and display visionary creativity. You will become more powerful and charismatic as well. Your relationships will become more sincere, authentic, and energized. Think about it, what do you believe you could accomplish if you perceive it in the invisible, thereby, manifesting the so-called impossible?

A number of highly successful people have claimed to have made a vision board and have recognized it is an important tool for their success. A vision board is usually designed with a big sheet of cardboard that has a collage of different pictures and notes of wants, needs and dreams you wish to fulfill and is usually hung up on your bedroom wall as a reminder of the possibilities that are out there and is also a great visual aid for envisioning your hopes and dreams. This is a great way to reinforce the vision and direction in your mind so that you can be more sure of reaching your dreams.

Cut out a picture of your favorite car, your dream holiday destination, your company logo, a picture of some money etc… and add that to your vision board. Make it appealing as possible so that you will be inspired when looking at it every morning and evening.

I have one myself and find that a vision board has been my savior when I lose sight of my dreams and has been a great inspiration for me when I forget how good things can be in life if I just hang in there.

I have my moments of low motivation also, believe it or not, and nothing is wrong with that, sometimes our body is trying to tell us to slow down and balance out a little, but when it is time to perform you have to really have a strong reason behind WHY you must succeed in what you are doing, that will be the key to finding your motivation.

Write it down and create an eye pleasing visual of the reason why you must succeed, and make it a MUST, not a should or a maybe.

Create a Vision: Start by Dreaming

- Think about who will participate in the vision.

- Suggest, dream, and envisage.

- Concentrate on positive things. Things that create a sense-of-purpose and meaning to life.

- Do not limit your vision to appearances. Visions go beyond what is in front of you and reaches beyond the three-dimensional world.

- Visions are not limited by needs, but the needs are determined by the vision.

The Power of the Mind and The Placebo Effect

Without a doubt, many of you have heard of the placebo effect. A substance or some other treatment is given to a person that looks like standard medicine, but it is not. It is really a fake identical looking substance that is not a medicine. The person receiving the placebo is not aware whether the treatment is genuine or not.

Although placebos are not actually reacting to the ailment, one out of three individuals claims to have a reaction to the fake medicine. When a person’s symptoms change due to this “fake remedy,” it is called the “Placebo Effect.” However, sometimes the effect can go in the opposite direction and patients believe that the “fake medicine” is causing disagreeable or worse symptoms. This is known as the “Nacebo Effect“.

What it all boils down to is the power of the mind to heal or destroy through the power of imagination. The NCCAM, National-Center-for-Complementary-and-Alternative-Medicine, a branch of the National Institute of Health states yes, “there is significant proof,” that the mind can have a positive influence on mental functioning and quality of life.”

Carl T. Javert, a holistic doctor now deceased, believed that illnesses were frequently psychosomatically brought about by emotional stress. He assisted women during pregnancy to supervise their problems and difficulties in order to prevent miscarriages and other impediments. With the placebo effect, an individual experiences what they “expect to happen.” If the expectation is to feel better or worse, either could occur. The placebo in itself had nothing to do with the effects directly. However, the person’s “belief” helped to change the outcome.

Imagine harnessing that tremendous power of the mind and envisioning an outcome so strongly that it transcends your material surroundings. A very famous actor did just that. He did not have much, but plenty of talent and faith, before experiencing a very successful acting career. He wrote himself a check for $10,000,000 and post-dated it for 10 years later, hoping he would be able to eventually cash it. That actor is Jim Carrey, one of the most famous comedic actors in the world!

The Power of a Vision

The power of a vision permits us to see beyond our present condition. The power to visualize was given to us for a reason. We are able to manifest our miniature worlds within the colossal world we call earth. Through vision we can dream, create, and manifest what does not yet exist. However, the vision must hold steady to the true and the good. If we want positive results, we must hold true to a positive outcome. The vision must be powerful enough to create a conviction so strong within, that it cannot be shattered regardless of appearances.

Some would say vision is nothing but good ole’ faith under a pseudo name, and this might be true. If one wants to call it faith by all means, do so. Whatever works is fine. Think of your vision in the same way as a diet. In order for your diet to work, you must stick with it. You must think about how much better you will feel and look by staying with that diet, this is the exact same way the “power of vision works.” It works through determination, commitment, and faith.

By Joel on April 29, 2013

5 Great Historical Figures That Every Entrepreneur Should Study

By Chad Howse on May 14, 2013

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We can learn much about what it takes to be a successful entrepreneur by studying great figures from history.

Below are 5 that possessed attributes that made them great during their time. Attributes that will also help us find success today.

Napoleon Bonaparte

Acquiring Knowledge

Knowledge is power. No one demonstrated, or knew this better than Napoleon Bonaparte. At the time of his birth, a person’s future was practically laid out for them depending on what class they were born in to.

Napoleon wasn’t born into a family of wealth or prestige, actually the opposite. He was born on the conquered island of Corsica, to a family with no influence or power, yet he grew to become the most powerful man on the planet.

How did Napoleon do this?

While his classmates at college partied, Napoleon read. Books became his love, the object of his affection. His lust for knowledge eventually served him on the battlefield. Napoleon’s ability to size up a battle and determine the best way to defeat the enemy was uncanny because it was as if he’d seen every battle formation that ever existed in the books he’d read. Nothing could trick him, and no one could out maneuver him.

How does this help the entrepreneur?

We can’t simply do the work, we also need to learn and educate ourselves. We need to understand our message, our goal, and the best possible way to accomplish it.

A large portion of our hustle should be given to the acquiring of knowledge. The more we know, the better equipped we are to find success.

Thomas Edison

Perseverance 

Thomas Edison failed more than 10,000 times in his attempt to create the light bulb. He, however, didn’t see those failures as failures, but rather as positive steps towards his goal.

Every entrepreneur will face failure and tribulation, those who succeed will be those who persist.

Winston Churchill

Sticking To Your Guns

We need to know our core values; those things that we hold most important in life. We also have to follow our gut. When Churchill thought something to be true  – whether it was or not – he stuck to his guns.

The leader of a company needs to do the same, as does the leader of a country, and an entrepreneur. We have a vision, we need to stick to that vision.

Does that mean we don’t listen to others? Of course not. Counsel is always welcome, and neededto get out of a rut, or to see things in a different light. But it’s our vision and dream we’re trying to create, and we need to be in line with our values. As a company grows, it’s easy to move away from our values, but it’s those values that led to growth. And it’s those values that will keep us true to our original vision and purpose.

Theodore Roosevelt

Embracing the Struggle

Teddy Roosevelt accomplished more in his 60 years than many would accomplish in 160. He embraced the strenuous life, as he called it.

Hard work isn’t something Teddy feared, but actively pursued.

As an entrepreneur, hard work needs to be your best friend, and laziness your worst enemy. A life of ease isn’t what an entrepreneur will get, probably ever. They’re always creating, innovating and working. But what you will get is freedom.

William Wallace

Do What Others Think is Impossible

Before the light bulb existed, no one could even comprehend that we could flip a switch that would light up a room. It’s the people that at leasttry the impossible, while others prefer to remain in comfort, that history treats kindly.

William Wallace, in his defiance of tyranny, fought an impossible battle against an enemy too great to defeat. Well, guess what? Wallace’s bravery and courage in the face of an impossible enemy, eventually led to the freedom of his nation.

No matter how great the obstacle, whether it even seems possible, or not, an entrepreneur will do his best to conquer it, and defeat it.

Impossible isn’t in an entrepreneur’s vocabulary. Keep that in mind. Whatever you’re doing right now, no matter how rough the road may seem, nothing is impossible. An entrepreneur is simply here to show the rest of us this universal truth.

3 Tips for Surviving as a First Time Manager

Hello Everyone!

I saw a great article on Forbes that talks about being a first time manager- I hope you guys get some good tips from here that will help you transition into the management role.

3 Tips for Surviving as a First Time Manager by Bill Gentry

Your first management job is a big win – a sign that you’ve done something right in your career. It’s also the first time that your success is completely tied to the performance of other people.

Those other people are your former peers, maybe even your current friends, and everyone feels a little weird now that you’re the boss.

Some of those other people have more experience and longer tenure at the company. At least one of them probably wanted the promotion, too – and isn’t too happy to be working for you.

Most likely, a few of your direct reports are much older than you. And I guarantee your team won’t be made up of people who think exactly like you, work just like you and act completely like you.

So what’s a first-time manager to do? If you’re lucky, you have an awesome boss, a company with a big training budget, and some wise mentors to help you figure out what you need to learn and how to learn it. Meanwhile, I offer three strategies to help you survive the first-time manager blues and boost your ability to be an effective leader.

It’s Not Me, It’s You.

Ever been dumped before? I bet the excuse you heard was “It’s not you, it’s me.” One of the simplest strategies to becoming an effective leader is to switch a couple of those words and adopt the following: “It’s not me, it’s you.”

When you’re promoted to a management job, the pressure is on. It’s tempting to be self-absorbed in your efforts to prove your value. That’s what got you promoted in the first place. But that’s the opposite of what you should do as a first-time manager. Instead, consider the other person’s perspective, needs, interests, skills and preferences. This simple mindset shift will go a long way toward working through the challenges of your new role.

As soon as you are promoted, get on the calendar of each of your direct reports to have an individual meeting that is all about them. Find out during that meeting what motivates them, what they like about their work, how they like to be led and what questions they have. Then talk about your vision for the group and how they can be a part of it.

When you start to figure out how to influence and communicate and motivate people in a way they care about – not just the way that is easy for you – you’ll start to be more effective as a leader.

Mentor others for a double win.

Mentoring has its benefits, usually for the one being mentored. But Center for Creative Leadership research has shown that mentoring can also benefit the manager who does the mentoring.

Managers who provide career-related mentoring to their direct reports by providing sponsorship, coaching and challenge are actually rated as better performers in their job by their boss.

Refer back to the “It’s not me, it’s you” approach and have regular check-in meetings with all of your direct reports every month or two. Give regular feedback – both positive and constructive. Mentoring others helps you become more effective and efficient in your own job. You gain information and support, expand your power base and reputation, strengthen your credibility and earn respect.

You are 100% the boss, only 50% of the relationship.

When you are the boss, you are always 100 percent the boss. People’s eyes are always on you, whether you know it or not. They are looking at what you are doing and what you are not doing. They are interpreting what they see and hear.

Are you inadvertently giving your friends on the team more time and energy than others? Are you unclear about your expectations around the work – or inconsistent about them? Do you struggle to set boundaries? Any of these actions send the message that either you don’t know what you’re doing – or that you are intentionally supporting some people more than others.

But even though you are the boss 100 percent of the time, a relationship between two people takes, yes, two people. You bring 50 percent to it, and the other person brings 50 percent. Too many first-time leaders think they are responsible for the entire 100 percent – in every work relationship. And it can’t be done.

You can do everything you can to be the best boss, but some people will still not be satisfied. You cannot “make” people act a certain way or insist that they agree with or like your decisions. You have no control over what others feel about you. All you really have control over are your own thoughts, ideas, behaviors and actions. Your job is to make sure your 50 percent is right – and let the rest go.